Financial Advisors have access to a variety of channels to find potential prospects. But with growing competition and limited time to focus on marketing, many Advisors are unsure which channels will deliver the best results for their business.
That’s why RFG Advisory created the Advisor Growth Study Club. It offers the Advisors who partner with RFG a regular opportunity to discuss their growth strategies, share insights about specific channels, and learn from their peers’ success. Each monthly session, hosted by Chief Behavioral Officer Brendan Frazier, features a different guest speaker exploring their most impactful growth channel.
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Advisors often navigate the more technical aspects of wealth management with ease— they can interpret market trends, analyze investment strategies, and build comprehensive financial plans.
But the human dynamics of financial decision-making? That’s where things can get complicated.
Ashley Quamme, a former couples therapist turned Financial Behavior Officer, recently joined the Advisor Growth Study Club to share key insights on how Financial Advisors can engage couples more effectively. With over 15 years of experience in marriage and family therapy, she now helps advisory businesses integrate behavioral finance techniques into their client relationships.
Here are six key insights and takeaways that Advisors can use to strengthen engagement and improve client relationships.
1. The Problem with ‘Financial’ and ‘Non-Financial’ Spouses
One of the biggest mistakes Advisors can make when working with couples is labeling one partner as the “financial” spouse and the other as “non-financial.”
According to Ashley, this kind of categorization creates unconscious bias that affects how Advisors engage with both individuals. The words Advisors use—both internally and in meetings—shape how clients feel about their financial planning experience.
Instead of thinking in absolutes, Advisors should view financial engagement as a spectrum. One spouse may handle the investments, while the other manages day-to-day cash flow—but both are involved in their own way. The goal is to meet clients where they are, without making assumptions.
Actionable Takeaway:
- Avoid binary labels—instead of “financial” and “non-financial,” consider terms like “primary” and “secondary” financial partner.
- Engage both spouses intentionally, even if one appears less interested.
- Recognize that financial involvement evolves over time and revisit these roles periodically.
2. The Financial Advisor’s Role
There are three main Advisor roles Ashley points to:
- Successor: One spouse is highly engaged but wants an Advisor in place for when they’re no longer managing the finances.
- Consultant: Both partners are financially literate and engaged, and they’re looking for guidance, strategy, and resources.
- Facilitator: The couple struggles with financial disagreements, and they need an Advisor to help navigate conversations and build alignment.
Each of these roles requires a different approach. For example, a successor relationship may mean slowly building rapport with the less-engaged spouse over time, while a facilitator role requires skills in validating perspectives and managing conflict.
Actionable Takeaway:
- Ask why the couple hired you—understanding your role shapes how you engage.
- Tailor your approach to match their needs (successor, consultant, or facilitator).
- Recognize roles may shift over time as financial dynamics evolve.
3. Why Validation Is Critical
When financial disagreements arise, Advisors may feel the urge to “solve” the problem—but Ashley says that’s often the wrong approach. The goal isn’t to get both partners to agree, but to get them to accept that their spouse may have a different perspective.
Validation is a powerful tool in these moments. Acknowledging each partner’s concerns can de-escalate tension and create a sense of psychological safety.
Related: What Clients Need Isn’t What They Want
Actionable Takeaway:
- Verbally acknowledge both partners’ perspectives, even if they contradict each other.
- Slow down emotionally charged discussions rather than rushing to a resolution.
- Remember: Validation does not equal agreement. You can support a client’s feelings without endorsing their stance.
4. On Equally Engaged Partners
Ideally, both partners would be equally involved in financial planning—but that’s not always realistic.
Ashley explained some couples naturally prefer a primary financial decision-maker, and trying to force equal engagement can create unnecessary friction.
Actionable Takeaway:
- Ask couples what level of engagement they prefer—some partners don’t want equal involvement.
- Make space for both partners in conversations without pushing participation.
- Reassess financial engagement every 3-5 years—couples’ dynamics shift over time.
5. Why Blended Families Require a Unique Approach
Second marriages and blended families add complexity to financial planning, particularly around estate planning. These conversations often reveal deep emotional undercurrents that couples haven’t fully addressed.
Ashley emphasized that Financial Advisors may not be licensed therapists, but they do play a critical role in facilitating crucial conversations that might otherwise be avoided.
Actionable Takeaway:
- Assess whether couples have had estate planning conversations before bringing up key decisions in a meeting.
- Facilitate, don’t mediate—help couples explore options, but don’t take sides.
- Encourage acceptance rather than forcing agreement—it’s okay if spouses don’t see eye to eye, as long as they understand each other’s perspectives.
6. Why Preparation is Key for High-Stakes Conversations
Some of the most challenging conversations in financial planning—such as estate planning or major financial decisions—can catch couples off guard.
If Advisors aren’t careful, they may be introducing major decisions in a meeting before the couple has discussed them privately. It’s important to be strategic about when and how high-stakes topics are introduced.
Related: A 4-Step Framework to Comfortably Navigate Conversations During Times of Market Volatility
Actionable Takeaway:
- Assess in advance whether couples have had key conversations before bringing up major decisions.
- Give couples time to process emotionally charged topics before pushing for an outcome.
- Use financial planning check-ins to reassess engagement and evolving priorities.
The Future of Financial Planning: A Human-First Approach
At the heart of financial planning is more than just wealth management—it’s understanding people, relationships, and the unique dynamics that shape financial decisions. The way Financial Advisors engage with couples today determines not just their financial success, but also their confidence in the planning process.
By shifting from rigid labels to a spectrum of engagement, validating both partners, and preparing for emotionally charged conversations, Advisors can build deeper, more meaningful relationships that go beyond the numbers.
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| About Our Guest Ashley Quamme, LMFT, FBS®, CFT™, is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, Certified Financial Behavior Specialist®, and Certified Financial Therapist™ with over 15 years of experience in marriage and family therapy. As the founder of Beyond the Plan, she helps Advisors, and their clients navigate emotional and behavioral finance. She is also a sought-after speaker and host of the Beyond the Plan podcast, where she explores the intersection of money and relationships. |